Everybody Loves Goofy!
by Goofy The Vampire Slayer
Summary: Yaoi. Pairing: Goofy x EVERYBODY! Goofy and Sora have lots of challenges to overcome if they want to finally be free to pursue their future together... but these were not the sorts of challenges either of them had expected... Over the top spoof comedy!
1. A happy day with Sora

Goofy The Vampire Slayer

presents

Everybody Loves Goofy!

- - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer: These characters are the legal property of Disney Interactive and Square-Enix. The fanfiction is mine, I'm flat broke and besides it's only a joke (I could have made it a really filthy and obnoxious story if I was that kind of person but chose not to, so be grateful for that! ;-) What I'm doing here is only meant in fun and done with the biggest amount of love and respect imaginable for these characters as I'm a huge KH fan) so what would the point of suing me be? It's not meant to harm anybody or your properties, but if it bothers you companies that much then just have it taken down. Okay? Okay. 8-DX

So here I am with my very first fanfic! Actually I got the idea from the story on here called "Blue Night" by Pocky King Windy, which I liked. I was originally going to make it a completely seriousminded fanfic, but then I couldn't resist adding humor to it, I was originally just adding an extra thing or two for comic relief, but one thing led to another and soon it was turning into a complete farce. I mean, I got a real kick out of what I was writing and kept laughing out loud at the stuff I was adding, so I decided to go ahead and simply upload it as it is! I have ideas for adding on to it already, and I'm sure I'll probably get around to writing a serious one, but this one was simply too, well, goofy to pass up the opportunity to upload it.

What can I say, I get a kick out of the Goofy and Sora pairing, deal with it. ;-)

Pairing: Goofy x Sora

This story is pure shounen-ai. Nothing explicit happens in it or anything like that, just a suggestion or two, but due to the nature of things I figured when I was split between a "T" and an "M" rating that I'd better go with an "M" just to be on the safe side. Flame if you absolutely have to, but the real criticisms that I truly listen to would only be ones correcting grammar, creative suggestions or anything else of that sort of constructive nature. There is a lot of over-the-top and cartoonish reactionary styles here which are deliberate as well, so if there's quite a bit of voice-raising and multiple exclamation points added for exaggeration it should be obvious why in the story's context. Heck, I must admit I'd even enjoy reading truly silly flames just to laugh at them and see how much my fanfic freaked such flamers out! But if it makes the flamers feel any better, just think of me Goofy The Vampire Slayer as one of those Elvira-type Halloweenish hostesses who present cheesy and scary old monster movies on late night television while making sarcastic and (so to speak) goofy wisecracks along the way, since that in a way is sort of like what I'm doing here. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Be forewarned that after this you may never look at or think about these characters the same way again! (Insert echoing evil laughter here)

Our story begins in Traverse Town, high up on the ledge of that bell-decorated building that Roxas and his friends were so fond of sitting on as they watched the sunset and shared the trophy's orbs with each other. Only this time, it's just Goofy and Sora alone up there...

- - - - - - - - - -

As Sora sat up there side by side with Goofy, the boom box just off to one side on their ledge where he could get at it easily, he reached out and touched the sides of Goofy's face. The dog was so beautiful, Sora thought to himself. So soft, so gentle, so precious.

Goofy sighed with pleasure at Sora's touch. "Awww, gawrsh... yuh make me so happy. What did I ever do tuh win yer heart?"

"You were just being you," Sora smiled. He had been watching Goofy's mouth while the dog had been talking. Sora loved the way Goofy's lower lip moved, it looked just as soft and gentle as the rest of him.

"So," Sora asked him as he gently stroked and played with the dog's ears, "did you ever think over my proposal?"

"Hmm?" asked Goofy with a large dreamy smile, his pupils sparkling.

Sora laughed. "Don't play coy with me, Goof. Come on, really, did you decide?"

"Yup. Sure did." Goofy blushed as he turned to look out at the distant orange glow of the sky above the ocean in the distance. He was partially swept away in the moment, but also looking out at the scenery because he was too embarassed to look Sora in the eyes while answering. Gently, the dog continued in a quiet, shy voice, "Sure did, Sora... and I promise yuh... once yer all legal-aged and all... I promise yuh, you can marry me."

Sora's eyes welled with tears of joy. "You _will?"_

"Yup."

Sora wiped his face. "I'll... I'll have to get a summer job or something so I can save up and buy you a ring."

Goofy touched Sora's cheeks and began to dry Sora's tears for him. "Take yer time, Sora. I understand."

Sora brought his lips closer to Goofy's. That gentle lip of the dog's was so tempting. "We'll live up here. Somewhere. A nice high place, maybe a penthouse or something! Just so we can always be together looking out at the ocean just like this. Do they... have any penthouses here... in Twilight Town?"

Their lips were an inch apart. Their arms slowly wrapped around each other.

"...dunno..." Goofy answered in a half-whisper. "...we'll hafta check, ah guess..."

Their lips met, and they kissed. Sora and Goofy had long ago learned how Sora's mouth had to be opened a little wider and Goofy's a little smaller in order for their kisses to be full and completely compatible, but now it was second nature to them. Their tounges affectionate played tag as Sora reached over and pressed the PLAY button on his boom box. Instantly the gorgeous dramatic swell of the "Love Theme" from Sora's "Blade Runner: Orchestral Adaptation Of Music Composed For The Motion Picture By Vangelis" soundtrack album filled the air. The lovely notes seemed to make the sunsetted hues of the horizon spread all the more beautifully, and Sora, enchanted, studied the fact that all of lovely Twilight Town was reflected within Goofy's eyes.

"Oh gawrsh..." Goofy blushed. "...gawrsh, Sora... when yuh lookit me like that n'all... it makes me feel all warm and tingly in muh heart..."

Sora began playing with Goofy's vest. "Take off your shirt?"

"Huh?"

"Please?" Sora grinned. "You look cute without it."

"Aw shucks, Sora... well, uh... okay..."

Goofy blushed as he peeled off his vest and laid it aside them. As the spellbinding music swelled while it sequed into the middle beauty of the "Main Title" track of the same album, he then reached for the waist of his green sweater and peeled it off over his head. It came off with a gentle "pop" sound. Sora admired the dog's black chest and arms, gently reaching out to touch him. He felt like a peach.

Goofy sighed happily and made a deep "Mmmmm" as he continued to blush.

Sora quietly leaned against Goofy as he began to quietly remove the dog's gloves. Goofy's touch always felt so much softer and more gentle without them on.

Goofy put his around around Sora, and the two melted together within each other's embrace, their eyes closed, the music sweeping.

After what seemed like an eternity of sheer rapture, Sora said, "Things have sure been tension-free ever since Riku and Kairi fell in love and started dating each other... and you and I finally confessed our own love to each other..."

"Yup," Goofy agreed. "And now, Riku's happy, Kairi's happy, ev-v-v-erybody's happy." He then sighed with a huge smile as he closed his eyes, "...ah'm happy..."

"...and I'm happy," Sora sighed happily as he buried his face contentedly within Goofy's chest.

"...BUT I'M NOT!!!" screamed a furious quack so suddenly that they were both startled. Looking around, they then saw Donald fuming with green-eyed jealousy as he sat on the farthest corner of the ledge glaring at them.

"But Donald..." Goofy began to reason.

"SHADDUP!" the duck squawked. "Goofy, you're supposed to belong to ME! What happened to our date?"

Goofy looked ashamed. "Oh gawrsh, Donald, it's like I told yuh, I just sorta felt more serious about Sora..."

"SHADDUP!" Donald screamed again, tears falling from his miserable and angry eyes. "YOU BELONG TO ME! I'LL GET YOU BACK IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Sora chuckled and turned off his boom box before picking it up. "Come on Goof, let's go down to the beach and get some privacy."

Donald yelled, "WHAT ABOUT ME?"

Sora grinned. "Go get your own boyfriend."

- - -

As Goofy and Sora took their time walking hand in hand down the street to the beach, they were unaware that a pair of eyes was watching them very closely from the alleyways.

"This time for sure," Roxas kept muttering to himself as he secretly followed after them. "I've had my eye on that dog for the longest time and now once he's alone... once I kiss him, he won't be turning back. And ain't NO-body can kiss like Roxas can..."

Pulling out his skateboard, Roxas had his plan all figured out. He would simply zoom by Goofy and smooch the dog while flying past, and while Goofy was still reeling from the surprise of having received such a magnificent kiss from out of nowhere, he would then see Roxas skating away flashing his incredible blue eyes at him... and Goofy would be forever smitten with the wonderful Roxas ever afterward!

Roxas was so busy thinking about all of this as he was picking up speed and zooming towards Goofy and Sora that he failed to notice the pair of dirty underwear, flourescent pink and covered with bright green froggies no less, that the wind had swept off of an overhead clothesline... until it collided with his face, instantly blocking both his vision and breathing.

"MMMPF!" Roxas mmmphfed as he struggled to get the smelly thing off of him, at the same time careening out of control and only managing to pull the obnoxious panties off of his face just in time to see the trash-can-lined alley wall that he was just now about to crash into.

CRASH!

Riku happened to stroll by carrying his yellow surfboard and, having heard the noise, peeked down the alley to see what had happened. Seeing Roxas lying facedown like a discarded rag doll among the toppled and spilled trash cans and covered with rubbish, he laughed. "Oh GOD Roxas, you're SUCH a pronie." And he continued on his merry way.

"...I knoooow..." moaned a muffled Roxas weakly. "...but I can't heeeelp it...!"

- - -

Riku had been looking forward to this meeting all day. It was scorching hot, and he had promised Kairi that he would teach her how to surf. Oh yeah, it was going to be a **hot** day today, and in more ways than one! And besides, getting to see Kairi in her new swimsuit? Hubba hubba, he thought lecherously to himself.

- - -

Unknown to Riku or anyone else, Roxas had also managed to make his way to the beach in pursue of his prey. The moment he got to the sand, his frantic eyes darted left and right as he panicked, "Where is he??? _Where_??? WHERE???"

And then he saw them.

Far along the beach, Goofy and Sora were lying within each other's arms as the ocean waves danced around and upon them, their eyes closed, their soft and locked lips passionate as their tounges searched out each other's mouths. Heck, even Sora's nearby boom box had gotten into the act since it was busy playing "Love Is A Many Splendored Thing", and the afternoon sun was all dramatic. It was a truly intense and deeply romantic, not to mention wildly unorthodox, sight to behold.

Roxas stared.

"This is ridiculous!" he snorted. "Goofy and Sora in love! And doing the whole 'From Here To Eternity' bit, with a soundtrack and everything! God, this is so friggin' _gross_ it just makes me wanna _hurl!_ It's SICK! It's DISGUSTING!"

He paused to calm himself down before adding, "I mean, after all, I'M the one who's supposed to be doing all that with Goofy, not Sora!"

Off in the distance, Goofy and Sora continued their liplock, blissfully unaware of their being noticed.

- - -

Sora leaned back on his knees at the feet of the still shirtless and gloveless Goofy, who was still lying on his back.

Goofy took a deep breath, then said, "Well, lemme stand up so we can get something tuh eat!" He rolled over on his front side, placed his palms on the stand and started to lift himself to his knees.

"Just a sec," Sora told him when he was on all fours. "Don't move."

"Huh?" Goofy was confused. "Why not?"

What Goofy didn't realize was that he was now in such a position that his buttocks were now directly in front of Sora, who was smiling as he couldn't help admiring their graceful curves. Without thinking, he reached out and gently touched them out of sheer admiration.

Goofy gasped as his eyes flew wide open. "Sora... what are yuh doin?"

Sora affectionately joked, "Oh, just examining the merchandise. I mean, I do have the right, after all you're my future husband, right?" He began to gently caress and stroke the dog's buttocks, eventually starting to slowly trace his finger along the seam that was stitched down the center of Goofy's pants. Up and down. Up and down.

Goofy panted as he felt a wildly pleasurable burning sensation down there he had never felt before that tingled like crazy, and then with his palms still on the sand his head lowered slightly as his eyes closed and he let out a deep sigh. Occasionally, he let out slight little gasps and shuddered. He was suddenly becoming all too aware of the fact that the male body has the natural built-in instinct within that area to have something inserted inside of it...

"...oh...oh...that feels good, Sora...oh...ohhhhh...gawwwwrshhhh...mmmmmm..."

Sora felt so thrilled. Soon, within a couple of years or so they would be married, they would both finally be free to consummate their passion, he and Goofy would eventually join and become one, and they would share a single bed forever, never to be alone again.

"Sora..." Goofy had a worried tone in his voice. "...should'yuh really be...mm...doin this...tuh me...? Ah mean...you're not gonna hurt me...are yuh...?"

Hearing these words, Sora suddenly realized how thoughtless he was being without meaning to be and removed his hand. It had been innocently done, but even so the shame of what he had just been doing flooded him. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I... I just noticed and... well I guess I got carried away... it's just that you're so cute, I didn't mean to scare you."

Goofy then finally sat up on his knees. He was now in a kneeling position right in front of Sora, and they both suddenly realized that this meant Goofy's buttocks were now pressed directly against Sora's crotch. Sora felt a wild tingling sensation inside him, but did his best to ignore it.

Goofy looked back over his shoulder at Sora, who studied the stubble all over the dog's face.

Noticing this, Goofy blushed, "Gawrsh, Sora... just realized ah hadn't bothered tuh shave in the last two days. Hope yuh don't mind..."

Sora smiled as he gently put his right arm around Goofy's torso, his left hand gently stroking the dog's stubbled face. There was something about kissing Goofy's soft and gentle lips while experiencing the scratchiness of that stubble at the same time. "It's perfect, Goof. You look and feel cuter that way."

"Honest?"

"Honest."

"Awwww, shucks..."

Still in the same position, Sora and Goofy began to french as Sora's hands stroked and caressed Goofy's chest and ears. 

- - -

Annoyed at witnessing all of this from his distant spot of observation, Roxas prattled on irritably, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! And to think Sora was always the Wielder Of The Keyblade, but now he never even bothers anymore because he's always too busy swapping spit with Goofy! No _wonder_ it's taken so damn long for Kingdom Hearts II to come out, and at this rate we'll _never_ get a third one at all! I've got to pry those two apart _somehow!_ Gamers everywhere depend on it!"

Roxas looked up and down the beach for ideas. "I've got to get closer somehow without Sora knowing it so he can't tell what I'm doing... I've got to get poor Goofy away from him and alone so I can confess to Goofy my love for him so that we can be together! But how... oh, wait! Someone's coming!"

- - -

Kairi was cheerfully walking along the beach past the outhouses, when she heard something.

"Someone there?" she asked suspiciously.

"Hullo-HULLO, Kairi!" said a deep, disguised voice inside one of the outhouses.

"Uh... who are you?"

"I am The Talking Outhouse!" said the voice as the outhouse's door opened. "And I've got lots of brand new Boy Band CDs in here just for you!"

Kairi's face brightened. "You do? Where?"

"Just step inside and help yourself!"

Kairi eagerly stepped inside the outhouse. Its door calmly closed behind her.

For a few quick moments, the outhouse suddenly bounced frantically around before settling down again...

- - -

"Ah! There you are, Kairi! I've been looking forward all day t----er-----uh...Kairi???!?!?!!!" reacted Riku as he stared in shock at the sight before him.

_"Yes, Riku!!!!!" _cooed Roxas in his Kairi disguise---that is, the outfit he had "borrowed" from Kairi after luring her into the outhouse combined with the makeshift hair dye he had dumped into his hair to turn it into something approaching the hue of hers---as he tried to stereotypically swivel his hips in what he hoped was a feminine fashion while squeaking in a lousy falsetto. _"It's me, Kairi!!!!! And I'm here for my surfing lesson!"_

Riku eyed the faux Kairi suspiciously. "What's with you today, Kairi? You look a lot, uh... more stiff than last time I saw you."

_"Oh, THAT! Hee hee hee! That's because you've inspired me to start working out Riku, you big hunk of surfer dude, you!" _Roxas squeaked as he made a show of having his right hand playing with his hair and his left placed upon his hip, hoping Kairi's shoes wouldn't kill his poor feet. While he pretended to flirt, he kept an eye on Goofy and Sora. Yep, they were still down in the distance on the beach sucking face.

_"So, Riku! What say we go down over there a bit more? The water looks... uh... looks, uh, er, cooler over there! Yeah, that's it!" _Roxas cooed as he proceeded to drag Riku down in Goofy's general direction.

"Uh, okay, Kairi!" Riku said as he allowed himself to be dragged along. "This looks like a good spot..."

_"NO NO! NOT YET! Over HERE more!" _freaked Roxas as he dragged Riku along further.

Riku sounded concerned as he turned quickly towards the disguised Roxas. "Kairi, did you forget to take your valium today?"

Unfortunately, his turn was so quick that the head of his surfboard immediately swatted Roxas's forehead and sent him sprawling on the ground.

"Kairi! I'm sorry, it was an accident! Are you okay?"

Roxas stared at the stars circling his vision as he muttered, "Help me, I'm a proniiie...!"

"What?"

"Oh! Uh,_ nothing! Nothing, Riku! I was asking later if maybe you'd also help me ride a pony!"_

"Oh, uh, sure thing, Kairi! Whatever you say! But you'd better start hanging out with me more. I think those other kids in this town you've been hanging out with are having a weird effect on you. You're getting to be almost as much of a pronie as that twit Roxas!"

"I am **NOT** a twit!"

"Wha? What did you say?"

"Oh! Uh, er, _hee hee! I said let's swim a bit!" _Roxas splashed into the water as prissily as he could attempt and batted his lashes at him.

Riku stared for a moment, then with a resigned shrug followed "Kairi" into the waves.

Once they were waist deep, Riku positioned his surfboard upon the surface of the water. "Okay, now I'll help you climb on and you'll be surfing in no time."

_"Hee hee hee! This is fun!" _tittered Roxas in his costume as Riku held his upper arms to help him on.

Riku was just in the process of helping "Kairi" climb on to the surfboard and gain "her" balance when he heard the sound of lighthearted laughter. His eyes happened to look up...

...and he saw the sight of Goofy and Sora playing around together on the beach.

Riku was awestruck.

The whole world suddenly seemed to go into slow motion as Riku took in the sight of the shirtless Goofy, his wet black fur glistening in the sunshine, his lovely eyes twinkling, and his happy smile, and all the while Riku's ears were filled with the tune of a distant old song playing on a boom box Sora was carrying... "Loooooove...is a maaaa-ny spleeeeen-dored thiiiiiiiiiiing..."

"It's... it's _Goofy_," Riku breathed, not taking his eyes off the magnificent sight he now beheld.

Roxas squirmed. _"What? What'd you say?"_

"...he's _beautiful_..." Riku sighed as he absentmindedly dropped Roxas into the waves and began eagerly splashing towards the shore.

"Glub...glub...blub...blub-blub...!!!" sputtered Roxas as he finally managed to get his head back above water.

"HEY!!! RIKU!!!!! GET BACK HE---OWWWW!" screamed Roxas as Riku's now free-drifting surfboard happened to get swept up from behind and directly into the back of his head, knocking him mostly completely unconscious.

As the waves began tossing Roxas around like a cork, he moaned loudly, "HELP ME... (GLUB GLUB) ...I'M A PRONIE!!!!!!!!!!!"

- - -

To be continued...

- - - - - - - - - -

That's all for now! Here's hoping that at least a few people managed to stick with me until the end here, and that maybe some laughed and others thought it was cute, or maybe even both. More later on! Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...


	2. The challenger

Goofy The Vampire Slayer

presents

Everybody Loves Goofy!

Chapter 2

- - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer: These characters are the legal property of Disney Interactive and Square-Enix. The fanfiction is mine, I'm flat broke and besides it's only a joke (I could have made it a really filthy and obnoxious story if I was that kind of person but chose not to, so be grateful for that! ;-) What I'm doing here is only meant in fun and done with the biggest amount of love and respect imaginable for these characters as I'm a huge KH fan) so what would the point of suing me be? It's not meant to harm anybody or your properties, but if it bothers you companies that much then just have it taken down. Okay? Okay. 8-DX

So here I am with my very first fanfic! Actually I got the idea from the story on here called "Blue Night" by Pocky King Windy, which I liked. I was originally going to make it a completely seriousminded fanfic, but then I couldn't resist adding humor to it, I was originally just adding an extra thing or two for comic relief, but one thing led to another and soon it was turning into a complete farce. I mean, I got a real kick out of what I was writing and kept laughing out loud at the stuff I was adding, so I decided to go ahead and simply upload it as it is! I have ideas for adding on to it already, and I'm sure I'll probably get around to writing a serious one, but this one was simply too, well, goofy to pass up the opportunity to upload it.

What can I say, I get a kick out of the Goofy and Sora pairing, deal with it. ;-)

Pairing: Goofy x Sora... and a mysterious third party... someone whom I know of, but all of you know yet not.

This story is pure shounen-ai. Nothing explicit happens in it or anything like that, just a suggestion or two, but due to the nature of things I figured when I was split between a "T" and an "M" rating that I'd better go with an "M" just to be on the safe side. Flame if you absolutely have to, but the real criticisms that I truly listen to would only be ones correcting grammar, creative suggestions or anything else of that sort of constructive nature. There is a lot of over-the-top and cartoonish reactionary styles here which are deliberate as well, so if there's quite a bit of voice-raising and multiple exclamation points added for exaggeration it should be obvious why in the story's context. Heck, I must admit I'd even enjoy reading truly silly flames just to laugh at them and see how much my fanfic freaked such flamers out! But if it makes the flamers feel any better, just think of me Goofy The Vampire Slayer as one of those Elvira-type Halloweenish hostesses who present cheesy and scary old monster movies on late night television while making sarcastic and (so to speak) goofy wisecracks along the way, since that in a way is sort of like what I'm doing here. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Be forewarned that after this you may never look at or think about these characters the same way again! (Insert echoing evil laughter here)

- - - - - - - - - -

Riku ran across the sand as quickly as possible, never taking his eyes off of Goofy for a second.

Somewhere in-between them though, Donald suddenly came rushing up angrily from out of nowhere and held his hands up to Riku screaming, "RIKU, STO--MMMF", and that was as much as the duck had managed to say, for Riku was so lovestruck that he hadn't even noticed Donald, not even when while rushing in his singlemindedness his foot had immediately in one swift move stepped on Donald's head, resultingly leaving it buried like an ostrich's. He simply kept running towards Goofy at full speed.

Donald's body pulled and tugged at the surrounding sand, but he was unable to free his head as he rapidly struggled.

--

Riku, panting and sweaty, finally managed to get up to where Goofy and Sora were busy sucking face.

"Goofy!" Riku gasped. He had always had a secret crush on that loveable dog, and had always adored everything about him from afar, but everything would have gone so smoothly between the two of them long ago if not for the fact that Goofy kept thinking that he was a...

"Heya!" Goofy said with a smile. "It's the girlieboy girlie!"

Riku sighed in his frustration. Why didn't he just give up trying to correct him and just let the Goof believe whatever he wanted to believe, he asked himself. Probably because he knew that Goofy wouldn't have him if he didn't realize Riku's masculinity.

"Goofy," Riku explained as patiently as he could, "I don't mean to sound redundant... but I keep trying to tell you: honestly, I'm not..."

"A _girlie!"_ Goofy finished cheerfully. "A blue-haired, girl-eyed, girl-boy girlie! And ain'tcha just as cute as a button, ahyuck!"

"Goofy, I'm a boy!"

Goofy smiled and laughed, "Oh SURE yuh are, yuh girliegirliegirliegirliegirlie-boy girlie! Yer just teasin' me again!"

Riku moaned. It irritated him like crazy whenever Goofy said that, it was just so... annoying, like fingernails on a blackboard. He tried again.

"Goofy..." he restarted, feeling like he was talking to a small child on Romper Room, "...listen, I'm a boy. I really am. And for the longest time now, I've been hopelessly in love with you. But we never get anywhere because you absolutely refuse to believe I'm a boy."

Goofy chuckled. "Ah shucks, ahm all flattered Riku, but'cha know I only date guys."

"I _am_ a 'guy', Goofy! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Uh huh." Goofy grinned.

"Look, I'll _PROVE_ it to you!"

"Oh, really?" Goofy looked interested. "And just how would'ja go about doin' that?"

"Well, I'd..." but Riku stopped. He knew all too well what he would do and precisely what he desired to do, but he wasn't about to say so in front of Sora.

Sora grinned and folded his arms. "Go on. I'm curious to hear this, too."

Riku glared at Sora, his own face bright flushed with embarassment. "Sora, you keep out of this!"

Goofy smiled and stood up. "Listen, I'm gonna go get us all some grub. Why dont'cha both just wait here until I bring some food back and then we can all settle this all like civil folk? Ahyuck!"

Riku and Sora stared and Goofy for a moment. Then at each other.

"Sure, Goof," they both said in perfect unison through clenched teeth as their glared at each other out of the corners of their eyes. "You do juuuust that."

"Okie-doke! Be right back!"

Goofy cheerfully trotted over towards a food stand near an area of surrounding forest, not noticing the huge clouded scuffle that was occuring directly behind him as Sora and Riku immediately went at each other's throats.

--

Down the beach, the limp figure of Roxas happened to wash ashore like a worn out rag.

_"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."_ he moaned with his face in the sand. "My head..."

"You haven't felt ANYTHING yet! Take THAT!" yelled a shrill, pissed voice as a large plastic toilet seat was bounced violently off of the back of Roxa's head.

"**OW!**" screamed Roxas as he immediately rolled over clutching his head and stared up at a thoroughly enraged Kairi, who was standing over him looking touseled with a large beach towel wrapped around herself.

"KAIRI!" Roxas squeaked in a panic. "I can explain...!"

"I don't want to hear it, you CREEP! You're TOAST!" Kairi yelled again as she kicked his side. Scrambling to his feet, Roxas took off running for dear life with Kairi hot on his heels. "COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!"

--

Meanwhile, Goofy was completely and cheerfully oblivious to all of this as he walked up to a food stand when he suddenly heard a "Psst!"

Looking around, Goofy realized that the _psst_ was coming from the surrounding trees. He approached them, and then cautiously began to step through them.

"Hullo? Anybody here?" he called as he made his way deeper and deeper into the foilage.

Soon he was a lot further away from the main areas of Twilight Town than he realized.

"Hulloooo?" he called again.

"Hello, Goofy," said a deep and all too familiar voice.

Goofy looked around, and saw Ansem standing under a large tree. Not Ansem The Wise, but the Ansem heartless he had originally fought alongside Sora the first time.

"You!" Goofy was shocked. "I thought we defeated you!"

"Oh, no. Not I," replied Ansem, still as shirtless as the last moment that Goofy had remembered seeing him just before dealing with closing The Great White Door. "I simply reinstated myself here, as I have been keep a secret eye on you."

"Me?" Goofy gulped, not at all understanding what Ansem was talking about.

"Oh, yes." Ansem seemed to fix Goofy to the spot with his strong golden eyes. "I've been meaning to have a word with you."

"But... but you tried to trap and kill us!"

"Well, some men send flowers. Others set a mere trap." Ansem shrugged. "I go one step better, I believe. I try to trap and kill."

"So what is it yuh want with me?"

"What do I want with you?" Ansem repeated quietly as he calmly approached Goofy. "Ah, if you only knew the things I desire to share with you, things you would truly appreciate and understand if only you opened your heart to such darkness."

Goofy's eyes widened, as he and Ansem were now standing only a foot apart. All he could manage to say was, "Me?"

"You," Ansem whispered as he gently slid his arms around Goofy's waist and pulled him close. "I want you. I desire you. Give in to the darkness of my desire, and I will pleasure you beyond the lot of mortals."

By this point, Ansem's left hand had managed to slide down to gently caress and stroke Goofy's buttocks as his right hand gently but firmly braced the back of Goofy's head.

"Come. Open your heart."

Goofy felt Ansem's breath ever so slightly upon his lips as Ansem leaned in to kiss him.

The two were locked in a powerful heart-to-heart battle as their tounges dueled, Ansem's out of agressive command, Goofy's out of self-defense. Their eyes both closed, they writhed and seethed against each other's bodies as both felt a wild sensation burning their loins.

Goofy finally managed to break Ansem's agressive kiss long enough to gasp, "No... please, lemme go... I'm already engaged..."

Ansem merely snarled in a fierce whisper "Submit" before he immediately forced his tounge into Goofy's mouth again...

- -

To be continued... and how!

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And so this continues to get sillier and sillier, not to mention weirder and weirder! It would seem I may have created The Weird Yaoi Fanfic to end all Weird Yaoi Fanfics! Or have I? You be the judge! In the meantime, this is your hostess with the mostess, cackling evilly at her own fiendish sense of humor while signing out for now! Muuuh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...


	3. Goofy loses his virginity

Goofy The Vampire Slayer

presents

Everybody Loves Goofy!

Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: These characters are the legal property of Disney Interactive and Square-Enix. The fanfiction is mine, I'm flat broke and besides it's only a joke (I could have made it a really filthy and obnoxious story if I was that kind of person but chose not to, so be grateful for that! ;-) What I'm doing here is only meant in fun and done with the biggest amount of love and respect imaginable for these characters as I'm a huge KH fan) so what would the point of suing me be? It's not meant to harm anybody or your properties, but if it bothers you companies that much then just have it taken down. Okay? Okay. 8-DX

So here I am with my very first fanfic! Actually I got the idea from the story on here called "Blue Night" by Pocky King Windy, which I liked. I was originally going to make it a completely seriousminded fanfic, but then I couldn't resist adding humor to it, I was originally just adding an extra thing or two for comic relief, but one thing led to another and soon it was turning into a complete farce. I mean, I got a real kick out of what I was writing and kept laughing out loud at the stuff I was adding, so I decided to go ahead and simply upload it as it is! I have ideas for adding on to it already, and I'm sure I'll probably get around to writing a serious one, but this one was simply too, well, goofy to pass up the opportunity to upload it.

What can I say, I get a kick out of the Goofy and Sora pairing, deal with it. ;-)

Pairing: Goofy x ?

Yes, it's true everyone. Goofy loses his virginity in this chapter. To whom? Ah, now wouldn't YOU like to know...

Ok everyone, here for the first time in this tale is some genuine actual yaoi, so brace yourselves. Hence the "M" rating. I did it just to specifically find out just how overboard I could manage to go and get away with topping each succeeding chapter. This one is a bit more serious soely for the sake of story construction and plot development. Oh, and for the sake of being off the wall as well. ;-D

Flame if you absolutely have to, but the real criticisms that I truly listen to would only be ones correcting grammar, creative suggestions or anything else of that sort of constructive nature. There is a lot of over-the-top and cartoonish reactionary styles here which are deliberate as well, so if there's quite a bit of voice-raising and multiple exclamation points added for exaggeration it should be obvious why in the story's context. Heck, I must admit I'd even enjoy reading truly silly flames just to laugh at them and see how much my fanfic freaked such flamers out! But if it makes the flamers feel any better, just think of me Goofy The Vampire Slayer as one of those Elvira-type Halloweenish hostesses who present cheesy and scary old monster movies on late night television while making sarcastic and (so to speak) goofy wisecracks along the way, since that in a way is sort of like what I'm doing here. Muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...

Be forewarned that after this you may never look at or think about these characters the same way again! (Insert echoing evil laughter here)

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"Mmmmpf...MMMMMMFFF..._MMMMMPFFFFF!!!!!!"_ Goofy mmpfed as he struggled to break free of Ansem's vicelike embrace and lips. Finally, he managed to force himself apart from Ansem, sending both of them sprawling to the ground.

"NO!" Goofy got up as quickly as he could manage. "AH DON'T WANT YOU! SORA! HALP!" And the dog immediately took off running.

"INSOLENT MUTT!" Ansem roared after him. "I SHALL HAVE YOU YET!"

Cliches, cliches.

- -

Back on the beach, Donald still had his head completely stuck in the sand with the rest of his body sticking completely up like a post.

Goofy tore up the sand trying to run back to Sora, knocking past Donald's body in the process without even noticing. As a result, Donald's body immediately got slammed into the ground and then began violently bouncing back and forth in mid air like rubber with his head still buried, slapping the opposite sides of the ground. You've seen the effect: If you had a really rubbery stick, firmly buried one end of it in the ground, pulled the other end back as far as it would go and then released it, it would start bouncing back and forth slapping the ground in the same way until finally stopping and coming back to its original position. That's precisely what happened to Donald in this situation.

After Donald's body was still again, he clenched his fists and, furious, finally gave a huge **_YANK_** and freed himself, sitting and gasping for breath, a thick ring of sand still encircling his neck, he face purple with rage.

Pissed, he pulled out his staff. "THAT'S IT! THAT IS **IT!**"

He violently pointed it in the general direction of the running Goofy, who suddenly froze in mid-air. Donald then used his magic to pull Goofy back to where he himself was standing.

Goofy swallowed nervously as he eyed the enraged Donald.

"SO!" Donald fumed. "I give you the BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE, and WHAT DO I GET?"

Goofy looked miserable. "But Donald...!"

"NO! I've HAD IT! NOW you're gonna get it!" Donald waved his staff again, there was a loud _BOOM, _and Goofy was suddenly his sea turtle form again, lying on the back of his shell and struggling. He was completely helpless as his fins waves pitifully about.

"NOW AS I WAS SAYING..." Donald smirked evilly down at Goofy. "Are you gonna be mine or not?"

Goofy looked pained. "But Donald... ah promised muh hand tuh Sora and...!"

"SHUT UP! I don't wanna hear ANY MORE about you and Sora! You're FINISHED! If I can't have you, no one can! I'm BANISHING you for GOOD!"

"Donald, NO!" Goofy pleaded.

"I'm banishing you to the world of Atlantica!" Donald announced. "And I'm NEVER turning you back to normal! You're so lovesick for Sora, you can spend the rest of your life mourning over him alone THERE! From here on out, you're ONLY A SEA TURTLE." And with that, Donald furiously waved his staff again, and Goofy vanished.

- -

Off within the deeps waters of the world of Atlantica, Goofy suddenly appeared.

Looking around himself, he began to cry.

"Ah'm trapped here... ah ain't no dog no more... ah'm just a sea turtle..."

Tearfully, Goofy began to wander miserably through the endless oceans.

- -

He swam on and on for what seemed like forever, until he saw the glimmer of something familiar in the distance...

...King Triton's castle.

"King Triton!" Goofy brightened. "Mebbe he can help me and turn me back tuh normal!" He started eagerly swimming in its direction.

- -

"Your majesty!" announced Sebastian to the king within the throne room. "You have a visitor! Captain Goofy from the world beyond!"

"Ah!" King Triton was genuinely interested. "Send him in, please."

Sebastian swam off, and soon Goofy swam nervously in. He was always so naturally in awe of King Triton, partially because of his royalness and also because the muscled merman was so beautiful and with such gentle eyes for the ones he loved.

"What, alone?" The king was surprised. "Where are your companions, Goofy?"

Miserably, Goofy told him the whole story.

King Triton was moved to pity, and as Goofy swam closer the king gently patted his head. "Goofy, I am so sorry. The magic trident can cast all sorts of wonders, but undo another's spell it cannot. I'm afraid that you are indeed truly trapped here. I'm sorry."

Goofy looked crushed and began to cry again. "But... but yer majesty... ah don't want tuh be a turtle the whole rest of muh life...I don't _wanna_ be a turtle...I wanna go home...!" He began to sob.

"There there, little one... it's alright... everything's going to be alright..." soothed King Triton as he took Goofy's shelled form gently within his arms, cuddling the turtled knight to his magnificent chest while swimming into his private quarters as he stroked the doghead's hair. "I'll comfort you this night... you won't be alone, as I will protect you and I'll take you with me to bed. And if any part of my body pleases you... you are welcome to use it to soothe your feelings. For example, my nipples are meant for nursing... nurse upon me if you so desire if it will comfort you..."

Goofy gratefully buried his muzzle within the merman's beautiful chest, nuzzling his chest and nipples... which were in fact quite hard and ripe. As one brushed against his lips, he was unable to resist and opened his lips, taking the hardened bud into his mouth and beginning to gently suckle on it. Trition gasped softly, then closed his eyes as he let out a deep "Mmm" of approval. The merman shuddered as he cuddled Goofy close, then silently with gentle eyes lowered his lips to Goofy's. They kissed. Their eyes closed, and Goofy's own wept tears of gratitude as Triton's tounge gently played with his own.

As they kissed, Triton lowered a mighty hand down beneath Goofy and gently inserted a finger into the hole that led into the shell directly at the base of Goofy's tail and into his rectum. Goofy gasped as he had never felt such an experience before, his anal ring immediately tightening in protest at the invasion, but Trition persisted and gently massaged the opening, soothed it, encouraged it to open for his finger, which it finally did without question.

Goofy moaned softly while King Triton continued to hold the helpless knight in this position as he swam-carried him to bed.

Helpless, Goofy couldn't move as Triton lay him down on the back of his shell and lay atop him, and the turtled dog could only moan as he soon felt Triton's strong and powerful finger removing itself... only to feel something even more strong and powerful being gently inserted inside him. Goofy closed his eyes and whimpered as he felt the masculinity of King Triton slide gently but firmly deeper and deeper into him.

All the while, Triton continued to stroke Goofy's hair.

His eyes closed, Triton let out another deep "Mmm..." as he began to gently move himself back out and then back in again, each thrust becoming more and more deliberate. Goofy gasped and moaned, "Ohh, yer majesty... ohh, ooh-oh-h-hhhh **OH** ohhhh yeah..."

Soon they were going full throttle, King Triton gasping and thrusting with all of his mighty strength as his muscles flexed and glistened, Goofy moaning and whimpering at the top of his lungs from barely being able to take it. Finally, Goofy felt the king shudder both outside on top of him and especially deep inside of himself, and after a brief pause both Triton and Goofy let out a loud simultaneous **GASP** as suddenly Goofy felt an ocean of cream filling his body.

Triton went limp atop of Goofy, exhausted but still dominant and protective, having conquered his prey.

Goofy finally managed to gasp with Triton still deep inside of him, "...that...was the sweetest thing ah ever felt..."

The king continued to keep Goofy pinned, holding his massive shell within his arms. "You please me so. Why not just remain here. A husband. I have long desired a husband. Stay here with me, and I will treat you as royalty."

Goofy sighed at the thought. "...yuh know...ah think I will. I think I will..."

- -

To be continued!

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And so on and on it goes, and I just want to thank anyone who has managed to continue reading this far! And yes, I'm still adding on to this and am nowhere near done yet. I'll add on more later... In the meantime, this is your hostess with the mostess, cackling evilly at her own fiendish sense of humor while signing out for now! Muuuh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... (Insert evil thunder and lightning here)


End file.
